Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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