Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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