Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
