you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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