You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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