Will you blow on my dice?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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