Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
