I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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