Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
