I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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