call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
