....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
