Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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