Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
