It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
