so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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