There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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