Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
