I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
