my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
