I want to stick my p in your. b.
no, he came in my armpit
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
