I love black thongs
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
