Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
