i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
