whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How does one acquire holy water?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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