Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
