Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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