I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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