im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
