I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
