worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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