My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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