Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
