he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
