When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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