I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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