I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
COCAINE IS GR8
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
