There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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