i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is classic penis vs brain.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
