So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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