I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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