Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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