hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
