before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
