Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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