ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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