alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
