So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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