You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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