Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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