I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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